Sunday, October 26, 2014

Shon Eze (TDDG): Episode 6




“Hi Walter, thank you for offering but I can pay my bills.” OMG! What was he doing around here?

I turned to the waitress, “My dear, let me go to the bank across and use their atm, I’ll be right back.”

“You could save yourself the stress and use my card.” he said again.

“I’m sure I spoke English when I said I can pay my bills myself, or do I have to repeat that in whatever language Itshekiri people speak?” Why was he insisting on paying? Na by force?

Shey you see this stupid First Bank? None of the 3 cards I had was working because of their stupid network. They go see my craze tomorrow for there, for this great falling hand.

“Madam, shebi this Oga don say make you use him card, use am now make you comot queue and stop wasting our time. Abi you think sey we no get where to go?” one ugly looking customer said.

I gave him the evil eye and turned to the waitress and asked her to save my bill while I dashed to the atm.

“Aunty, I don’t know how to save bills and our manager is not around. I need to start attending to these other people before my colleagues report me that it’s only one customer I served today. Please just use this oga’s own. Thank you ma.”

“Okay. But give me your account details first so I can refund you”. I turned to Walter.

“I will Ma’am. Just let’s pay for your food first.” He replied

He gave the waitress his card, entered his pin and that was it.

“Thank you sir. Thank you ma.” She said

“You see? Simple and short! You could have been done with this 10mins ago, you know?” He was obviously gloating

I walked with him to a table and decided to sit with him a bit. At least that’s the polite thing to do for someone who just paid for my meal.

“So you’re into stalking as well as writing?” I asked

“Stalking? I don’t understand Ma’am.” He replied

“Are you stalking me now? because I don’t understand how you happen to be here today all of a sudden, please drop the Ma’am.”

“Calm down Shontelle, no one is stalking you. I came for a meeting somewhere around here. The assholes kept me waiting for 3hrs before postponing the meeting. Since I skipped breakfast, and with the way my temper was boiling, I decided to stop here and eat before continuing with my day.”

“Wow! I didn’t know you can use swear words too o. You look too innocent for that.” I teased,

“I’m sorry they kept you waiting like that. Are you sure you don’t want me to go and beat them up for you?”

“No o! Do you want to kill them? Abeg o! I still have business to do with them. Businesses that will bring me plenty money.” He was laughing as he replied

There was a short silence as he ate and I checked my phone to find a million messages from Ese and Oge asking for their food. None from Tobe, he was probably still in Mr Smith’s office explaining why he came in late.

“Ehem!” He cleared his throat, “Shontelle, I never got to apologise for Friday’s drama,….”

I tried to cut him short but he held his hands up.

“Please let me finish.” He continued, I’m sorry for the little oversight on my part, and I’m sorry I told you those awful things Carmen said about you. I don’t think any real man does that, so I’m really sorry. I’m also sorry on Carmen’s behalf. My cousin is always too forward and a tad too much but she’s actually a nice person with a big heart and even though you two may never be good friends as such, I just don’t want you holding any grudges against her. As for me, you have to forgive me and we must become friends, very good friends o. So will you forgive us?” I was staring into his gray eyes the whole time and it was like a whole different world in there, I could barely concentrate.

“I actually wasn’t mad at you, although now that you have reminded me, I think I gotta be mad at you. So here’s my mad face.” I tried to squeeze my face to look like I was angry but I ended up laughing.

“I don’t know if I’m mad at your cousin either, maybe a little, but that can be worked out after she has done a big sacrifice for the gods of our land, danced Shoki naked in the market square, and swam 7 times in the deepest parts of the Okuku river.”

“Do you actually mean all of that?” He was staring at me in a weird way

“Of course not. Which gods of our land abeg? Wait! You believed me?” I was laughing really hard at him

“At first, I knew you were joking, but then I saw this weird look on your face like you were fairy godmother and I got scared and I kinda believed you. You know you can’t be too sure these days.”

“I was joking oooo… but on a serious note, I’m no longer mad at your cousin. I can’t blame her either for wanting her man to herself, my dad is hot, I know. I can’t blame her for thinking I’m a spoilt brat who can’t score a date for herself. I mean, I’m literally spoilt rotten if you look at it from my perspective. Besides which 26 year old hangs out with her dad? So yeah, I could have hit her in the face with an iron chair if I had seen her shadow that day, but now, it’s gone. But she better not break my dad’s heart o cos he’s quite smitten, else she’ll smell pepper o.”

“Smitten? How would you know that? You’ve only been around them both once. I’m thinking they’re both in it for the fun of it and the sex. From the little I heard Carmen telling her friend this morning, your dad must be a stud if he really did all those things at his age.” He replied

“Eeeeewwwwww! Can we please not discuss my father’s sexual activities right now before you traumatise my childhood! Thinking about it alone grosses me out, talking about it will definitely kill me. But seriously, I know Pops is smitten. Nobody would have gotten away with what Carmen did, not even my mom, without at least a tongue lash from him. But he didn’t even sweat her out for it, he just kept making jokes about it.”

“He probably tongue lashed her in his bed all night and made her sweat all day. Or maybe Carmen is giving it to him in ways he never thought possible, and taking him to 7 heavens and back in ways no one has come close before.” He teased

“I swear, I’m going to dispose your drink on your head if you don’t stop talking about my dad’s sex life.”

“Alright! I quit! But I also think Carmen really likes your dad. She’s never introduced anybody to anyone before, not even the young hot bods she has dated. She’s secretive when it comes to her men. But since she met your dad, she’s been talking about him to everyone. She even let him pick her up from my place; that’s a first. So whatever jazz your dad did definitely worked.”

“By the way, your phone has been lighting up for a while, I think you have a call, you should check that.”

“OMG! I totally forgot I was out running errands. It’s my boss.”

“Hello sir.” I said into the phone.

“Miss Eze, you’ve been out of the office for almost 2hrs. Apart from the fact that we have work to do around here, do you know you’re delaying my lunch?”

“Uh-oh!” We were back to the civil prefixes, that didn’t sound good at all.

“I’m sorry sir, but I’m stuck in traffic but I’m very close to the office.” Traffic ko, hold up ni, I thought to myself.

“Y’all be saying sorry incessantly. Sorry for yourself. Get back to the office fast and get to work.” He barked into the phone before he hung up.

“That didn’t go well. He’s mad, I guess.” Walter said

“He’s not always like this. He’s just been unnecessarily cranky since morning, he’s probably on his period.” I replied

“Maybe he didn’t get enough ass over the weekend.”

“You just enjoy talking about other people’s sexual activities sha. I will soon scrub your mouth with iron sponge.”

“I should get going before he sends the police to get me.” I said

“Before I forget, please can I have your account details? I’ll send someone to deposit the money first thing tomorrow morning or I could just transfer the money to you.”

“How about we hang out some time soon some time in the week?” He asked. “Just the two of us, no dad’s or cousins, no dads. Then you can give me the money physically. I’d prefer that.”

“Wow! You’re quite as forward as your cuz, it definitely flows in the blood o. I’ve not finished forgiving you and you’re already asking me on a date. Oya when and where are we hanging out?” I said

“Who said anything about a date? Abeg o! But I’d rather have your number, so I can get back to you on that and keep reminding you until then.”

Damn! He was smooth o

“In your mind you’re forming writer abi? You think I’m one of the characters in your story abr? Oya give me your phone let me type in my numbers.”

“I’m done eating. Let me walk you to your car while you type in your number.”

“Okay no wahala”

5 mins later, I was speeding into my office parking lot like there was a mob behind me. I knew hell awaited me inside, but I was smiling sheepishly thinking of Walter.

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