Friday, October 24, 2014
Shon Eze (TDDG): Episode 3
I woke up hours later at 10pm and I felt like a new born baby, fresh, in high spirits and more alive.
Yeah! This is how normal people should sleep and feel when they wake up. I felt like I could conquer the world and if Mr. Smith called me now to dish out a thousand assignments, I swear I wouldn’t complain, I’ll just chest them up and get on them immediately. Okay! Enough of work related wishes before they really become true.
I tumbled to my dining table barefoot, clad in my birthday suit. Oh! The joy of a work-free Friday evening and living alone. I opened a pack of juice and nibbled on some biscuits as I began to pour the rant in. I swear the inspiration was all gone. Uhoh! Le Journal will be so disappointed in me.
So I decided to write about Mr. M, the perv. With that done, I realised I didn’t know where we were hanging out, so I decided to call Pops but found out he had sent me a text while I was sleeping. It read:
“Hey Tornado, meet us at Quilox whenever you are ready.
P.S: I’m getting a hang of this machine you call my phone. I think I’ll fall in love with it soon.”
Okay! That was out of the way, I would take a long bath with the scented oils mum gave me last week, follow all the instructions she gave me to take care of my face, then wear whatever appealed to me at first sight in my wardrobe. My plan was solid and damn fool proof.
45mins later, I emerged from the bathtub feeling like I changed skins in the bathroom. I walked into my closet, and all my clothes were staring at me at the same time, saying, “Wear me! Wear me! Wear me!” so I closed my eyes to choose and I picked my nude cut-out maxi with slits in front to the thighs. I totally love the way it hugged my frame. I decided to wear newly purchased Louboutin Gladiators, bold lips and neutral eye colours. Who knows who I could run into today
30mins later, I was at the club. I had seen Pops’ Porsche, so I packed in the empty space beside it, lucky me. I looked at my watch, 11:50pm on a Friday and this place wasn’t 100% packed yet, that’s a miracle. I walked in and saw Pops with his “entourage” laughing loudly.
Immediately he saw me, his face brightened some more as he stretched out his hand to direct me to their table.
“Everyone, meet my only daughter Kamso!” he was practically with some alcohol induced excitement.
“Dad, it’s Shontelle when we’re outside! You know most people can’t pronounce your favourite name properly.” I replied and smiled at his entourage.
“Whatever child, Shontelle, meet Carmen, my love.” I rolled my eyes before I smiled. How many times had I heard that in my young life.
“And Walter, Carmen’s Nigerian cousin…. forgive me, but she introduced him that way too” he continued.
“Hi Carmen, I’ve heard so much about you for the last one month. Pops hasn’t stopped talking about you since he got back from Brazil.” I could see Pops giving me thumbs up for that, well, we’ve been through these scenes together a lot so I was kind of used to the lingo in these settings.
“It’s so nice to finally meet you” I said
“I’ve heard so much about you too and in the beginning I actually thought you were his wife and I started getting jealous because the only thing he talked about was Kamso and Jay. I’m pleased to meet you” she pronounced Kamso like it had 3 syllables
See why I stick to Shon? She sounded like she’d be fun anyway, so sad Pops would move on soon. I turned to Walter and I noticed his grey eyes, Wow,
“Hi Walter, how are you doing? Nice to meet you.” I said
“Hello Shon, nice to meet you too” he replied.
Why was he here? Carmen’s Nigerian cousin, WTF is that? Did she bring him along for a threesome with Pops? Eeeeewwwwww!! That was gross!! Why on earth had such thoughts crossed my mind for crying out loud. But he looked good anyway not like he was my type though.
“Kamso, what would you be drinking? I’m calling for a refill.” Carmen’s voice jolted me out of my reverie.
“Baileys on the rock would do for starters.” I replied and she turned to the bar. Goddamnbullshit!!
Carmen was created in God’s perfect image. Her tiny waist flared into her wide hips and round bum. I had unconsciously stared at her boobs earlier and saw they were large and her nipples were pointing, and she obviously didn’t have a bra on.
She made me feel so small and unfit as I could see her abs as she walked back to the table. I should go to the gym tomorrow, this was definitely my body’s way of reminding me that it had been neglected for too long.
A few drinks later, I remembered I promised myself I’d call Danielle, my best friend, unfailingly without her calling to nag me. So I excused myself from the table and headed to the bathroom. On getting back, it was just Walter left, Pops and Carmen had gone to dance. So I sat down thinking of what to say to make things less awkward.
“So, how are you and Carmen related?” I asked,
“I was hoping you’d ask sooner…” he replied,
“Our moms are sisters, but my mom married a Nigerian man, Itshekiri precisely, so I’m more Nigerian than Cuban American. So while we were growing up, Carmen’s kid sister couldn’t differentiate my siblings and I from our other cousins who are South Africans, so we earned the titles Nigerian cousins and it just stuck since then.” The way he spoke was so funny especially the part when he tried to talk like Carmen’s kid sister.
“What do you do?” I asked again,
“I’m a freelance writer on science and travel.” he replied.
“That must be boring a bit, right?”
“Nope, not for me. It’s what I enjoy.” he replied.
“You must travel a lot.” I said.
“I sure do, I got back from Morocco two weeks ago, I had to do a report for a documentary.”
“Wow, that’s kinda cool afterall.” I exclaimed.
“Enough about me. What do you do?” he asked immediately.
Uh-oh! He had turned the tables, I totally hated talking about myself with strangers which was why I had been asking all the questions.
“I’m a Celebrity PR Specialist” I replied.
“Wow! No wonder you think my job is boring. Your job is definitely interesting and you get to meet people everyday.” he was gushing like it was his job we were talking about.
“We could switch jobs if you want o, because you seem so excited talking about my job.” I answered sarcastically.
“So Watchu doing here on a Friday night, hanging out with your cuz and her old boyfriend? Don’t you have a wife or fiancé or girlfriend to go clubbing with tonight?”
“I’m here for the same reason you are. After all, you’re hanging out with your old daddy and his young girlfriend too.” he replied.
“Calm down soldier! No be fight now. I guess we’re both here for family then.” I replied calmly this time, I don’t know why he didn’t take the question lightly.
“Are you kidding me? For family? Is that the line you’re going with now? Maybe a bit because of family sha. Because I normally won’t let just anybody set me on a blind date ….” I cut him short then,
“Blind date? What are you talking about Mr? Who got set on a blind date and with who?”
“You seriously don’t know about it? Or does feigning ignorance interest you? Oh! You’re waiting for me to be like Hey Shontelle, I’ve heard so much about you and you even look better in person. I’d be lying cos I haven’t heard Jack about you except that Carmen said you were some brat who couldn’t score herself a date and so had to crash dear daddy’s party so she’d like for me to come and keep you distracted and that your dad was going to let you know about it.”
“WHAT?? The Bitch said that? Well I’m sorry you got that impression about me but I’m sure you’ve seen for yourself that I’m no brat. As for scoring a date, you can see for yourself that I’m not disabled or anything but I decided to hang out with my dad and the manipulative Bitch he calls his girlfriend who so happens to be your family member.”
I swear, I saw red and if not for the sake that Carmen was with my dad, I would have given her the beating of her life right here and now. I picked up my purse and stormed out. I could hear Walter behind me asking me to wait and calm down but I couldn’t afford to be around anyone from the lineage of that Bitch. I seriously hoped to God that Pops wasn’t in the know in all of these else, he’d have to join the wagon of the forsaken.
“Ahan! Aunty you no go open eye look where you dey go? Abi you wan wound me? See now you don match my boot wey I just buy. Mtscheeeewww.” OMG! I just ran into someone in my blind rage, as I was about to apologise, I recognised her as the slut Chike had been banging when I walked in on them, the day I confronted him about his secret engagement.
I hissed and walked off, I heard Walter apologising profusely on my behalf. Who send am? Oversabi. Of all people to apologise to, that fat cheap slut.
I slammed my car door shut and placed my head on the steering and let the tears run free.
This was all Chike’s fault…
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